Type
Secures
Avoids
Under stress →
In security →
Body centre · 8 · 9 · 1
Heart centre · 2 · 3 · 4
Head centre · 5 · 6 · 7
Tap any type to see its connections and motivation. The lines trace where each type moves under stress and towards security.
Most long-running arguments are not fights about the thing they appear to be about.
Content
The washing up, the money, the in-laws, the holidays.
Pattern
The shape this couple's arguments always take. The choreography.
Motivation
What each person is actually protecting during the fight.
Wound
The specific fear of being unloveable this person has been managing their whole life.
| Centre | Secures | Avoids | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Reformer | Body | Being right, good, and beyond reproach | Being corrupt, defective, or criticised |
| 2 | The Helper | Heart | Being needed and loved for what they give | Being unwanted or unimportant to others |
| 3 | The Achiever | Heart | Being admired and seen as successful | Being worthless apart from what they produce |
| 4 | The Individualist | Heart | Being authentic and known for who they truly are | Being ordinary, without depth or significance |
| 5 | The Investigator | Head | Being capable, informed, and self-sufficient | Being overwhelmed, invaded, or depleted |
| 6 | The Loyalist | Head | Being safe and supported by something reliable | Being without guidance or protection when it matters |
| 7 | The Enthusiast | Head | Being free, stimulated, and open to what is next | Being trapped in pain, deprivation, or limitation |
| 8 | The Challenger | Body | Being strong, in control, protecting their own | Being controlled, harmed, or made vulnerable |
| 9 | The Peacemaker | Body | Being at peace, connected, and undisturbed | Being in conflict, separated, or overlooked |